Frankly, I was having a really hard time. I felt like the expiration date on “mommy” was running out. My two oldest kids had left for college. The third was on his way.
I felt tired, unmotivated, restless and depressed. I was tired of moving, my husband’s travel schedule, home schooling. I was tired of everything. So, I did what anyone would do when they’re tired, unmotivated, restless, and depressed: I undertook a major project like starting a blog.
Tired, unmotivated, restless, depressed. T.U.R.D.–not a catchy name for a “mommy” blog. But that was the way I felt. I figured there had to be others who felt the same way, too. I needed an outlet.
I thought having a bunch of kids, neurotic tendencies, a long-term marriage, a nomadic lifestyle, and home schooling like a pioneer woman would make for interesting reading.
Then someone said, “A ‘lifestyle’ blog isn’t the way to go because no one wants to read about your life.” Encouraging.
Tired, unmotivated, restless, and depressed summed it all up. I hated feeling that way. I just wanted to blog. I wanted to blog about:
- my struggles
- feeling judged
- my kids
- transitions in life
- my marriage
- periods in my marriage when I thought, “I can’t stay married to this man one more day, let alone for the rest of my life!”
- how I’ve unpacked emotional baggage then packed it back up again
If my life didn’t inspire people, at least it would make them laugh.
Well, I quickly found out that blogging is a whole lot more work than it seems. Way more. Do you realize how many people blog? I had to pick a name, pick a theme, create a site, figure out how to tweet and pin and “friend,” read other bloggers’ blogs, comment on other bloggers’ blogs, follow, create a following (continue to take care of my house, my life, my kids) and blog.
Remember, I started blogging because I was having a hard time keeping it together.
Once you’re out there treading water among thousands of other bloggers, it’s lonely and exhausting. Everyone’s after the elusive “golden subscriber.” After about six months on that hamster wheel, I quietly shut my Mac and slowed my blogging to a halt.
I’d planned on my blog joining the thousands of other phantom blogs whose authors haven’t posted in years and had quietly faded into obscurity.
I was really surprised when people noticed that I had stopped blogging. People started saying stuff like, “I haven’t seen a post in a while,” “Are you still blogging?” “I was so encouraged by your stories,” “You’re so real,” “I can really relate to you,” “I can’t believe the things you say,” “I’m so inspired by your stories,” “You’re funny,” “You’ve made me re-think my relationships,” “Thanks for putting it out there.”
I didn’t want the hassle of blogging anymore, but I did miss telling my story. More importantly, the more I blogged, the more I was reminded of God’s truths and I realized how much I need to be reminded of them every day. God can use my struggles to make a difference in people’s lives, if I let Him.
Through blogging, I’d let people into a part of my life they never knew existed or at least I’d never talked about it. I’d exposed a private piece of myself, and it felt good. Liberating, actually.
The best part was I didn’t have to keep up fronts and pretend like I had it all together. I didn’t have to exert any energy hiding anything. The less energy I exerted trying to hide things, the less tired, unmotivated, restless and depressed I became. I could expose all my imperfections and give God the glory in the process.
So last month, I started blogging again. But this time, I started blogging with a different purpose. I started blogging to:
- make people think
- make people want to change
- let people know, it’s okay if you don’t have it all together
- let people know we all have emotional struggles
- let people know God is the only solution to our problems, and
- encourage people to laugh through it all
If you’ve been reading, you know my life’s not perfect, and I don’t try to pretend it is. God holds it all together. I hope you’re encouraged by what you read. If you enjoy it or are inspired by it, pass it along to your friends and take a minute to subscribe or to leave a comment.
If one person re-thinks a relationship, makes a life change, or realizes that God is at the center of all our needs, I’ve accomplished my goal. If one person is less tired, less unmotivated, less restless or less depressed, it’s all been worth it. So, here I am: witty, real, and raw (and slightly unbalanced). If you like that kind of thing, you’re in the right place.
What encourages or inspires you?