My husband and I got married shortly after we graduated college. At that time, I waged a personal vendetta against him which dated back to high school. Sounds crazy, right? Why would I marry someone I harbored resentment against? I was hurt by something that had happened in the past, and I refused to let it go.
It should’ve been settled long ago, and it was…for him. Long before he’d asked me to marry him, he’d put the incident in a box and stuck it way back in the corner of his mind.
It was such a tiny thing, but it burrowed down into my heart and took root where I nursed and cared for it. And like anything that’s well cared for, it grew.
I put the incident in a prominent place in our lives. I used it like an ancient torture device against my husband. If we had a problem, I’d pull it out. My attitude was killing my marriage before it even got started.
The problem with holding on to old hurts is you accumulate new ones. Little hurts become bigger ones when we nurse them and pile new ones on top. We say we want a harmonious relationship, but when we let hurts get in the way, it becomes difficult. There’s nothing more dangerous to a marriage than unhealed hurts.