Being a wife isn’t easy for me.
It’s not natural for me to wait by the door with a smile at the end of the day, ready to greet my man with a Pinterest-worthy meal and a kiss.
I need to remind myself everyday to be a better wife. But, too many nights I lie in bed in my pink plaid jammy bottoms and raggedy red camisole thinking, “I’ve really got to up my wife game.” Then I doze off.
Loving my man well isn’t going to happen by accident. I have to be intentional.
If I’m not thinking about it, my PDA (public display of affection) won’t go beyond holding hands in church on Sunday.
I’m serious. Keeping a marriage healthy is all about the “deets.” Those little details we commit to every day to encourage and love each other.
A few years ago, I decided to step up my wife game. I tried the Love Dare. The 40-day challenge for practicing unconditional love. I failed.
When our kids were little, I was busy. I was tired. And sometimes, I had no interest in giving or receiving affection. I was usually a grump by the end of the day.
The kids aren’t little anymore. I’m still selfish. I’m still prideful. Busy. Not as exhausted. Still grumpy sometimes. But not oozing with affection. Not oozing with delight. It’s just not that easy for me with all life’s distractions.
Before we married, I never had trouble being affectionate. We talked on the phone for hours. I surprised him. I held his hand. So, what’s the problem now?
Marriage cooled to a simmer after years and kids.
Honestly, who fails the Love Dare? I gave up about Day 14.
Here’s the embarrassing part: After “14 days” of gifts, compliments, and sweet nothings, my husband was worried about me. He said I was acting strange.
How sad is that?
I need to re-examine who God wants me to be in his life, the wife He intended me to be. I need to focus more on Him and less on stuff. If all these years of marriage taught me anything, it’s being a good wife won’t come naturally.
It’s really as simple as this, but it’s not easy:
- Admire him-tell him what he’s doing well. Compliment him. Send him a text at work to let him know you’re thinking of him.
- Spend time with him-Arrange quality time. When our kids were little, we set the expectation we’d spend time together each evening while they played or read a book.
- Give him a gift- This can be as simple as baking cookies or making his favorite meal.
- Get physical- Hold his hand. Put your arm around him in bed. Use your imagination.
- Respect him-Say things to build him up. Tell other people nice things about him.
The bottom line is every man nerds to know :
- what he’s doing well
- how much you appreciate his efforts
- you want to spend time time with him
- you’re thinking of him
- you desire him
If you’re like me, you have the best intentions, but you get distracted. Knowing I love him is not enough. I need to show him I love him and our marriage is a priority. A hug, a kiss, a smile, a squeeze of his hand, or a kind word will go a long way.
I’m striving to make my husband feel loved and cherished so he no longer questions why I’m holding his hand, if it’s not Sunday.
How do you love with intention?
Always trying to be real,