4 Ways This Toxic Habit Can Ruin Your Marriage

Sometimes I feel like a fake.

Sometimes in the heat of the moment, I don’t always take my own advice.

It’s easy to write about respecting your husband and stuff, but I can be stubborn.

Stubbornness can ruin marriage.

It’s like a drug.

You don’t think it’ll become a problem. But it does.  Before you know it, it’s controlling you.

Stubbornness breeds disrespect. It makes you push your husband away instead of pulling him close.

I believe every word I write. Sometimes when I get stiff-necked, all rules–no matter how good they are–go out the window.

I pretended he didn’t exist

A few weeks ago we were having one of those discussions in which I was right, but my husband hadn’t realized it yet. The simplest way to describe it is an argument.

But it wasn’t an argument. That’s the word you’d use to describe an oral or vocal disagreement. That’s not what I did. I didn’t holler, swear, call him names or insult him (out loud). This is the best way I can describe what I did– I pretended he didn’t exist.

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I talked to my friends. I talked on my phone. I even talked to my dog. I ate, and I slept as if he wasn’t there.

I can’t remember how it started, which tells me it was pretty insignificant.

But after it started, I was all in.

For 48 hours I said nothing to him. Regardless of what he said to me.

After about a day (or less), I couldn’t remember what I was supposed to be “right” about. (Still can’t.) I should’ve let it go. But I couldn’t give in.

So, I chose to be stubborn and I kept playing the game.

Two nights I got into bed and stayed on my side, teetering on the edge rather than giving him the privilege of touching any part of my body, even by accident.

On the third night, after we’d gotten in bed and just before I hit the REM stage, he reached over and pulled me close to him. In my semi-conscious state, I considered resisting. But I knew he was saying, “I’m done. I don’t care what you’re mad about, I exist and you’re going to stop pretending I don’t.”

Within seconds, we were spooning. It was over.

Stubbornness is like a drug

The next morning when I opened my eyes, he was looking at me. He leaned over and kissed me. I sheepishly smiled back. I wanted to  whisper “I’m sorry” but didn’t want to ruin the moment by blasting him with morning breath. So I just snuggled closer to him, but my face burned with embarrassment.

I always feel like an idiot after I’ve played that game. It’s a waste of time.

Maybe you can relate. Do you ever let pig-headedness get the best of you?

I know better. No matter how long you’ve been married, you’re not immune to humanness.

A stubborn fool considers her own way the right one (Proverbs 12:15). And I felt like a fool. 

4 Ways Stubbornness Can Ruin Marriage

• It will prevent you from being a good steward of your time.

Make the most of the time you have. At the heart of stubbornness is a presumption tomorrow is promised. It isn’t.  We’re all only given one moment at a time, and we shouldn’t take it for granted.

• It will prevent you from having an attitude of gratitude.

Stubbornness takes your attention off gratitude and places it on you. It’ll stop us from being thankful for what you have. We wasted time we could’ve spent eating nachos, binge watching Law and Order or drinking sweet tea instead of stewing over a non-issue.

• It will prevent you from forgiving quickly.

Stubbornness wants to convince you that you’ve been wronged and you’re owed something. It will stop you from forgiving.

• It will prevent you from showing unconditional love.

When we insist on being stubborn, we’re really putting conditions on our love. It’s selfish. Our love becomes performance-based, and we withhold it when he disagrees with us.

Replace stubbornness with grace. Life is like a vapor. Here one minute. Gone the next.

If you’re in that place right now–in the heat of something right now–make the first move.

Pull him close to you. Let him know he exists, and he’s important to you.

Where do you need to retract stubbornness and extend grace?